There is no way to describe what it is like to stand in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. For most people, they are onlookers, and only see the beauty of the Canyon from the top of the rims or in pictures. But for the selected few that want and desire to know what really lies within the walls, they take the journey and hike it. Being at the bottom, I have experienced a sense of humility, calmness, and surprisingly, fear.
Tonight there is a sense of humility in my life. I moved to Sierra Vista ten months ago, knowing that I would be marrying the man of my dreams, and taking on new challenges. How grateful I am to have had the opportunity for growth these past few months. In the Ensign last month, there was an article about women and their roles. I have been blessed with a man who honours me, and allows me to grow in area's that I desire. He has never held me back, or discouraged me. He is with me, always, holding my hand, and allowing me to dream. I believe that it was through my past experiences in life, that I have been able to cherish and appreciate my husband. He is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life and all eternity with.
I am humble to be the mother to a wonderful son, Grant. Wow. For two years, I have watched this little spirit grow and learn. Tonight as I read to him before bed, I noticed he was saying something. Much to my surprise he was counting!! Milestones. I have been given this time with him. To love him. To teach him. To do anything and everything I can for him. He is healthy. He is happy. He is smart. He is lovable. I realize that there are those who do not have this opportunity, and I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving this to me. There is nothing more I could ever possible ask for.
There is a sense of calmness here. My house is a mess. The dishes are not done. There are clothes to be folded on the couch. The wall in the living room is still not done. The bathroom is still not done. But for some odd reason, I am calm. Maybe it is because I know that the night before I go to the hospital, I will be to wound up to sleep, and will end up mad cleaning my house. Maybe it's because I know that I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant, and I'm tired. Maybe it is because Cami's room is finally all moved around, and now looks like a bedroom, and not a storage room. Maybe it is because I can do without the stress right now. Whatever the reason, I am grateful for the calm before the storm.
Fear. As you stand at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, you get this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know that you just spent hours getting to the bottom, and it'll take you longer to get out, and that's IF you can climb out! You start to doubt yourself, and almost begin to panic. I have experienced this 5 times!! I have always had a wonderful mentor, my dad. He always stresses that hiking out is all a mental game. Every time, my dad is 100% correct.
I have 13 more days left of this pregnancy. Fear. This part of the pregnancy leaves me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Do I really have to give birth? Can I please undue this? What if something goes wrong? What if she is not ok? I am at the bottom knowing the only way to go is up. And in less than two weeks, I'll be sitting in a hospital room with my husband and brand new baby, thinking, my dad is always right... This part of the adventure is 100% mental.